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07​/​26 | Interlude - Father

from Canto II - The Mixtape by Eric Washington



Written by Eric M. Washington

Produced by DJ DropShock (soundcloud.com/djdropshock)

Engineered by Tenth Tier Media (www.fiverr.com/tenthtiermedia)


07 - Interlude: Father

It was around 1995 when my father became absent from life for as long as I've lived it.

My mother, alone but not lonely; invincible in my eyes serving both her country and her family, her family being her one and only son. Still, there is only so much one can do when balancing serving her country and raising her child. So I was left to my own devices. After years of taking care of myself and learning of this dark cold world, eventually, depression arose due to abandonment and loneliness amongst my peers and a father who rarely ever called, yet whom I still refuse to believe contributed to my loneliness and self-hatred.

To me, I was an exception to a statistic. A young black male without a father who was fairly educated and without a criminal record, I single-handedly shoved sociological statistics in the face of every college textbook and FOX News reporter. I entrusted in that so much that I had the audacity to tell people who poured out their hearts to me about their lost guidance and absence of parents to, "move on". I said this as I embraced their tear-soaked bodies, and in those moments perhaps I was speaking for both of us.

You may be saying, "You seem to be blaming a lot of this darkness on the fact that your father wasn't the light you witnessed other kids have. Maybe it wasn't his fault maybe there were some circumstances beyond his control as to why he couldn't be a part of your life!" I'll respond with, "Absolutely!" Allow me to leave him to his own devices when he makes sure to attend any Dallas Cowboys game in order support his favorite team, but couldn't attend any once in a lifetime event to support his only son.

It's for the better, however. For I hardly knew this man whose DNA I contained. See for twenty years I hardly ever thought of this man. I can hardly remember a time when I sat and thought about him. So imagine my shock when he writes me one day. He says, “Son, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. You never left my thoughts and I continued to love you every day." In my response, I thought of saying something to my father toward my father something that I never believed in, "You're too late. I don't want your apology... Move on. You owe it to your new family to be there for them and never look back. Give everything to your daughters you never gave me. Give them what every child deserves: their father's love."

I can only hope he took from those words what I intended to say, and that was, "Father, you're forgiven."


from Canto II - The Mixtape, released March 25, 2019


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